Bones (2001)

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General		Extras
Category	Thriller	Dolby Digital Trailer-Canyon Theatrical Trailer
Rating
Year Of Production	2001
Running Time	92:55
RSDL / Flipper	No/No	Cast & Crew
Start Up	Menu
Region Coding	4	Directed By	Ernest R. Dickerson
Studio Distributor	Roadshow Home Entertainment	Starring	Snoop Doggy Dogg Pam Grier Michael T. Weiss Clifton Powell
Case	Amaray-Transparent-Secure Clip
RPI	?	Music	Elia Cmiral

Video		Audio
Pan & Scan/Full Frame	None	English Dolby Digital 5.1 (448Kb/s)
Widescreen Aspect Ratio	2.35:1
16x9 Enhancement
Video Format	576i (PAL)
Original Aspect Ratio	2.40:1	Miscellaneous
Jacket Pictures	No
Subtitles	English for the Hearing Impaired	Smoking	Yes, and not of tobacco most of the time
		Annoying Product Placement	Yes, mildly
		Action In or After Credits	No

Sometimes, there are titles that nobody wants to review, and they float around in the allocation pile until our esteemed editor finds a creative way to pass them out. Bones is one such title, although I didn't know it until I took a good, hard look at the cover artwork. The deluge of cheap, hokey attempts at horror films on the market shows no sign of drying up, and Bones is a good example of this. It's not as bad as Friday The 13th, Part 26 or Halloween: We Promise, He Didn't Really Die In The Last Film - it is even worse.

Where do I begin with this film? It is incompetently edited, poorly acted, horribly scripted, and well, to mention the acting once again, Snoop Doggy Dogg ain't the worst of the acting "talent" assembled here. It's almost as if every "teen" that Beverly Hills, 90210 ever rejected was assembled for this feature. The presence of Pam Grier and her "what the hell has happened to my career?" pose doesn't help matters at all, and the rest of the cast are nobodies, to put it mildly.

A group of idiot youngsters buy a house in the middle of nowhere that used to be the residence of one Jimmy Bones (Snoop Doggy Dogg). Bones was like a small-time mafia kingpin who protected his neighbourhood until he was murdered by a corrupt policeman called Lupovich (Michael T. Weiss). Most of this part of the story is told in flashback, with shots that look so bright in comparison with the rest of the picture that it kind of hurts the eyes. However, they also relate the fact that Bones was betrayed by a business associate called Jeremiah Peet (Clifton Powell), who just happens to be the father of three of the teenagers who have bought Bones' old residence.

From there, it isn't too hard to guess how the film will go - youths do stupid things, youths get killed, and someone completely unexpected rushes in to save the day. It's all been done before, and it has been done much better using far less money or sophisticated effects. Give me the original Halloween any day (preferably with a slightly better video and audio effort), because even John Carpenter's worst efforts crap on this garbage from an almighty height. Not even the fake blood here looks real (note: that's real real, not what the fans of this turkey would call "real").

Video

The film is presented in an aspect ratio of 2.35:1, and it is 16x9 Enhanced.

This is a very dark picture, which translates into there being very little shadow detail at times, and the brighter parts of the picture look just a little soft. This is perfectly natural, however, and nothing to worry about in the context of the filmmakers' intentions. The shadow detail is a tad limited - there is a small amount of detail in the black parts of the picture before it falls off into complete darkness. There is, however, no low-level noise.

The colours are pretty dull and muted throughout most of the film, which makes the ultra-bright flashbacks even harder on the eyes. No composite artefacts or colour bleeding were noted.

MPEG artefacts were not noted in this transfer. Film-to-video artefacts were mild, restricted to car grilles or vertical blinds, and fairly easy to tolerate. I don't remember seeing too many film artefacts at all, if there were any, so it's safe to say that someone took good care of the source materials that were used for this transfer.

English for the Hearing Impaired subtitles are present on this DVD. They are somewhat inaccurate with the sound cues, and there are a few too many abbreviations of the dialogue for my liking, but they are otherwise very faithful.

Video Ratings Summary

Sharpness
Shadow Detail
Colour
Grain/Pixelization
Film-To-Video Artefacts
Film Artefacts
Overall

Audio

There is only the one soundtrack on this DVD: the original English dialogue in Dolby Digital 5.1, recorded at 448 kilobits per second.

The dialogue is generally clear and easy to understand from everyone, even Snoop Doggy Dogg, who is well-known for mumbling and/or talking crap. There were no noticeable problems with audio sync.

The music in this film consists of a score by Elia Cmiral, with songs by Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre for good measure. Neither of these components left much of an impression upon me, but there is one article on a website I forget the location of in which Dr. Dre and his hypocrisy in suing Napster are summed up by describing Dre as a man who has made a living by using other people's stuff to pay his bills, a description that I feel applies to all of the so-called "artists" in this genre.

Apparently, I need to explain what that means after all. It seems that the same day Dre and Metallica were suing Napster for providing them with free publicity in the form of strengthened worth-of-mouth, Lucasfilm were also in the process of taking Dre to court. Why? Because Dre had requested, and been denied, permission to use the THX deep-bass sound as an introudction on one of his albums. Apparently, denying these parasites permission is not a strong enough no for them, so he up and used the sample anyway.

The surround channels are worked hard to separate the music and some ambient sound effects from the dialogue. Occasionally, the sounds of lost souls wailing can be heard, and the surround channels are used well in order to give the viewer a feeling of really being there in the middle of whatever room it happens in. Once again, I cannot say I am particularly impressed with the content of the transfer, but the transfer itself is a good example of Dolby Digital 5.1 done the right way.

The subwoofer was also used consistently to support gunshots, some of the music, and other bass-heavy effects, integrating itself well with the overall soundstage.

Audio Ratings Summary

Dialogue
Audio Sync
Clicks/Pops/Dropouts
Surround Channel Use
Subwoofer
Overall

Menu

The menu is static and 16x9 Enhanced.

Dolby Digital Trailer - Canyon

Theatrical Trailer

The Region 4 version of this disc misses out on;

• Dolby Digital 5.1 EX Soundtrack
• DTS 6.1 ES Soundtrack
• Audio Commentary by Snoop Doggy Dogg, director Ernest R. Dickinson, and writer Adam Simon
• Two making-of featurettes
• Deleted scenes with optional director's commentary
• Snoop Doggy Dogg music video
• Snapper Case
• Electronic Press Kit-style featurette

Obviously, if you're into this "culture" enough to justify buying this feature that is B-grade even by their low standards, the Region 1 version of the disc is the clear winner in spite of the snapper casing.

Describing (c)rap as a culture is like describing what Pizza Hut make as hauté cuisine, and basing a whole film around it a la Bones is a recipe for disaster. This film is not even so bad that it is good, it is simply repulsive, repugnant, and once the gothic horror overtones are dispensed with, retarded. If Friday The 13th meets The Crow is your bag, then this film might just be acquitted on the basis of low standards, but don't bet on it. Aside from one genuinely funny moment, this is nothing worth paying so much as an overnight rental fee for.

The video transfer is of reference quality, except for a few very minor artefacts.

The audio transfer is excellent - it's just a pity about the content.

The lack of extras is insulting when one sees what the Region 1 version contains, although the fact that the Region 1 version is also single-layered might cause some compression artefacting, so it's a bit of a toss-up.

Video
Audio
Extras
Plot
Overall